stormy_writer

Let's see.  Not much has happened.  Mike and I haven't talked for forever so I was winking at other people on the site and found someone new.  Just as I sent him an email or whatever Mike sent me an email.  He said he finally got his internet working again to try and message him on AIM.  Well you know after I thought about it and I'm not sure I really want Mike anymore.  I just don't know if he is the right person.  He hasn't come up and I gave him my number and he hasn't called.  I just don't know if this is going to work out as well as I thought it would.  I'm not sure what to do but I think I like the new guy better who's name just happens to be Mike as well.  We'll see how things go.  The new Mike lives in Rochester and seems to be more my pace and style.  He seems like a nerd but I'm just as much of a nerd as anyone and he likes movies and video games.  Idk what'll happen.  I just hope something good comes out of all this.  I think I'm going to tell the Mike in New Jersey that I just want to be friends.  Wish me luck.

Bought the Season 3 DVD box set of Supernatural yesterday and was expecting a '67 Chevy Impala mini car to come with it and it didn't because apparently they only sold those ones at Best Buy which we do not have anywhere around here.  I mean come on, I'm a die hard Supernatural fan but I just don't have the time to drive up to fucking Erie to pick up a DVD box set with a car attached to it.  I wrote the company who manufactured the cars and scolded them for only putting them in Best Buy stores.  I mean a lot of Supernatural fans are going to restricted from those stores as well and won't get the car like they want them.  I was just REALLY disappointed.

Work is good.  Apparently a lady called in yesterday and told the manager that I personally helped her a great deal and I was a sweet, loveable girl.  I felt so great after hearing that.  But of course I couldn't remember which lady I helped because I help a lot of people.  Idk it was just some good news to hear, no one has called in something like that about me before.  YAY go me!!!

Natalie's birthday party is Saturday and Allison and I pitched in together to get her an engraved snowglobe today in Jamestown.  I hope she likes it.

Fred's birthday is this month on the 20th.  I was supposed to get him a see through robe and haven't done that yet.  I don't think I will...it'll be weird.

Well I think that's all for today.

~SmAcK iT!

So, my birthday was awesome!!!  My actually birthday on the first was great, we went to Olean to Taco Bell/KFC to eat lunch.  Ashly called and stopped by at the restaurant and we talked for a little bit.  I miss her.  Then I knew about a party we were having on Sunday but what I didn't know was that mom had invited people from work too!  So instead of it just being my family there I had Megan, Allison, Juliane, Bridget, Susan, Lily, Emily, Tammy, Terry and Stefi and Johnny and Marcie.  It was a great time and I was so surprised.  It made me realize that I do have friends and they must like me enough to show up for my surprise 21st birthday party.  I got some weird presents for my birthday, not only from my friends but from my mother too.  I got some condoms, a thong, a finger vibrator (don't ask), sex positions playing cards, dirty dice and some other things.  Stefi made me an ADORABLE little panda.  I haven't decided what to name him yet but when I do I'll let her know.  Juliane made me this wonderful fleece blanket.  On one side is a bright rainbow and the other is white, it's one of those tie blankets that I just love.  I was very happy with it!  My party was great!  Oh and I got a lot of Raspberry Smirnoffs.  Those are my favorite.  For my birthday though I went out with my neighbor Frank and Jess.  We went to the cornor bar and the lighter side and had a drink and two shots.  I'm not sure if I'll do that again.  Bars smell and everything.

I'm not sure what's happening between Mike and I because he says he wants to come and see me but he hasn't come up here yet.  I can't wait forever but I feel maybe I can.  I'm not sure what to do.  I want to meet him and talk to him but his AIM never works and I chickened out in giving him my phone number when I had him online last.  I've sent him a couple emails with my number in it but he hasn't called.  Anyone have any suggestions??

I think I might find a school with Interior Design, but I haven't decided yet.  I also want my own apartment, maybe rent with someone else but I don't have anyone to rent with.  I'm not sure what to do about anything right now.

I should be writing but I'm not, I am addicted to that stupid shockwave.com site.  Webkinz is retarded and won't let me on, but it doesn't matter because no matter what I do my pet is still not happy and I can't make it happy.  I have no idea.

Well that's all for now.

~SmAcK iT!

Alright, so my 21st birthday is in exactly one week!  I'm so excited!

I've been totally addicted to The Sims lately, but I don't play with the families I create.  I honestly think sometimes that my true calling is interior design.  That's all I do.  I get on The Sims, create a family and then I build them a house and decorate the inside, once I'm done with that I do it all over again with a different house and family.  Maybe this is like a sign.  O.o

So, I got denied my Saturday August, 2nd off because I don't have enough seniority.  What the fuck ever!  I NEVER ask for Saturdays off, I'm the one that busts my ass every weekend to get the shit done, I put up with everyone else's shit and you would think that they would give me ONE day that I asked for off because it's my birthday weekend.  No!  God, sometimes that place just pisses me off.  At times I feel part of the group but then other times I feel like shit, I feel like I don't care, I feel like a little pieon!

To make matters worse I haven't talked to Mike in a WEEK!  Every time he is on I send him a message and he doesn't reply back.  I mean I want to believe it when he says he doesn't get the messages I send him but at the same time I can't because I'm not there.  It makes me frustrated because AIM is the only communication we have and I want to believe that his internet is bad but it's so hard cause I'm so negative on myself.  Him and I didn't have any arguements last friday that would make him quit talking to me and I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything to make him quit wanting to speak to me but I just don't know!  I mean what am I supposed to do?!  He told me that he agreed that we could possibly go further into our relationship.  I have something good, wanting him to come up here because the more I wait the more I want to have sex with him....I'm getting hornier.  Ok, but anyway I'm not sure what I should do.  If someone has any advice I would like to know.

Plus, I feel like crying.  I miss Ashly (if you read this I want to get together and cry).  I miss Mike.

~SmAcK iT!

So, life has been pretty good lately.  

Work is just work.  I am in charge for the next 3 days while Susan is on vacation and since Bridget got her new job she can't do it.  SO...it is me that is in charge of the scan department.  I am totally nervous that someone is going to want something and I won't know what to do.  I usually just say fuck you and go back to work.  ^_^

Michael and I are doing VERY well.  We talk all the time, mostly about sex but we still talk.  I have not met this man before in my life but I feel something in the pit of my stomach everytime I think about him or talk to him.  I told him the other day that when I'm at work and I had a bad day all I want to do is come home and talk to him.  He always seems to put a smile on my face no matter how bad my day has been.  His reply to that was: "That's really sweet, thank you."  I feel something I can't explain with him.  He seems to understand and care for me.  I hope everything works out.  I was going to have him up for the 4th but he had something else to do and I didn't want him here with my crazy family (not meaning mom, dad and Jaime).  He told me he was very excited and happy to come up here and meet me.  NO guy has EVER been excited to come and see me.  And by excited he's probably excited in a different way then you are all thinking.  He's the horniest guy I have ever talked to and in the month and a half that we have been talking I have never been so open and revealing about sex in all my life; especially with a guy I've never met in person.  I just can't fucking wait for him to come up here.  Every day is like a longer minute for me...and I can't take it anymore.  Hopefully I'm not getting my hopes up too high.  +_+

Should be going to the movies sometime this week with Julianne.  I'm so excited about that, we're going to see Wanted I think which is good for me since it's an action packed movie.

I really want to hang out with Ashly too...maybe sometime we'll get together when neither of us are working.  We should go out and eat or something.  IDK.

I think I am going through new Supernatural episodes withdrawal.  O.o

LIFE IS SO FUCKING SWEET RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~SmAcK iT!

How is it that I signed up for the damn online dating service, find one guy who I think is so sweet and turns out to be an ass; then after stop talking to that guy I wink at like 10 guys and not one of them respond?  Then when I think I've found the perfect guy, one who is sweet yet funny and who I can talk to about anything he just stops talking to me.  Am I plagued with some horrible guy resistant disease or something??  I swear to god I'm going to end up alone for the rest of my fucking life!  I can't stand how all my friends have all these friends and are having babies and getting fucking married and I still remain in the same spot.  Yes I know it's probably because I never go anywhere but of course that's my fault, but I just........GOD I FUCKING DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why is it that I can't find one decent guy who's name isn't Josh Kinney and fall in love and get married.  That's all I want but NO I can't have anything like that.  So if anyone is wondering, yes I'm feeling really shitty and at the moment I just want to dig a hole, crawl in it and DIE!  Would anyone even notice if I was gone?  Is it so much to ask for for me to get a guy to love me for me and to bring out everything good about me and someone who I can be myself around??  It must be or I would have fucking had one by now.  I'm ugly, childish, stuck in one place, scared of change and did I mention ugly.

I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!!!

~SmAcK iT!

So, let's see.  I talked to Ashly last night and she still knows how to make me laugh.  I'm glad she's doing well.

Still have not talked to Crystal.  I saw her in Tops the one day while I was working and ran the other way.  I didn't want to even go over and see if she would say anything.  I can't bare to look at her.

Had good luck on match.com but then the guy didn't want to come up here because he didn't have enough money or time to come and see me.  Now I have a better guy.  He is super sweet and I love talking to him.  We have talked about anything and everything.  I feel so comfortable.it's crazy.

Work was going fine until this past Saturday when the one guy I work with was being an ass towards me.  He almost had me on the brink of tears that's how mad and upset I was.  I had never felt like that before and no one seemed to do anything about it.  I don't understand why some people can get away with things and others can't.  All I want is for him to leave me alone and the manager never does anything about it because he's related to her.  She's so fucking retarded and doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself.  I'm so glad that right now I am on VACA!  WOOT 12 days off!!!

Alright so the season finale of Supernatural completely made me cry and just drop my jaw.  I mean I knew that Dean was going to go to hell but I didn't think it was going to be so violent or so tear jerking.  I can't believe that happened and I know he's not going to be the same when he gets out.  God, I can't wait for the new season to start!  Everything is going to be so different, especially the relationship between Sam and Dean.  Is it September yet?!

I gotta go get some writing done.  I'm thinking I'm going to finish the last story of book 2 and then maybe write some Spn fanfic then start working on a new novel about working in a grocery store.  It's like an autobiography since it'll be based off of Tops but it'll also be fiction too.  Come on you don't think my life is so exciting to create a whole book do you?  :P

~SmAcK iT!

I'm going to make this short and sweet...

I have no friends whatsoever.  My best friend in the whole entire world is not my best friend anymore and I've completely lost her as a friend.  My other friend thought we argued too much and doesn't talk to me anymore either (that one was for the better).  Then...everyone else who says they're my friends don't ever fucking talk to me.  I mean all I do is say hi and they can't fucking reply back to me!  I fucking have no friends besides my family and sometimes even they make me feel like shit.  What the fuck did I do to any of these people to make them hate me the way they do???!!!

My life is seemingly pointless.  No one would even care if I just up and left one day...they would probably think it was for the best.

~SmAcK iT!

Alright, so since the last time I updated I was still friends with Crystal.  Since then we have falling out, which is not surprising but duh.  She was too demanding of me and I pretty much could't take any more of her shit.  So, one day we were argueing and she decided that she didn't want to be my friend anymore.  Whatever is all I have to say about that...she wasn't worth my fucking time.

I sent an email to Ashly and she responded.  I really want to get together with her so we can talk about anything and everything...I'll try not to hold anything back.  I want to be her best friend, I want her to be my best friend.  I just want things to be the way they were, even though they won't be since she's getting married today and somewhere or another she was pregnant, I'm not sure.  First she is and then she isn't or something, I'm not really sure but honestly I want to know now.  I wish I could go to her little get together at her moms today but of course since it's Saturday I have to fucking work all night.  So, hopefully we can get together some time this week and talk.  I would like that, I really miss her.  

I have nothing else to update about.  OH yeah I finished my second book.  It should be out later this year and I got a royalty check for the first one.  $62.93 baby!  I have no idea what to spend it on but I'll figure it out.

Alright, I'm outta here to go get ready for work soon.

~SmAcK iT!

So, Crystal came over today and we watched three movies.  Our guys both died in the two of them.  Everything is alright with us for right now, we're not argueing a lot anymore but sometimes I still don't want to even hang out with her.  Depends on how I'm feeling and what she's saying.

My second book is coming along but it's not coming as fast as I would like it too.  Idk what there is about this time around but it's just dragging.  I mean I want to get it done but at the same time I want to write something different that I've thought of.  *Sigh* Life is just boring.  I have til January 31st to get it done.

Supernatural is coming back the 31st too and will go for a little while before it's done because of the writers strike.  After that then it will be off the air for good, which completely sucks for all us Supernatural fans and all the ones that could potentially become fans.

I've been thinking about College lately and I think I want to go.  I just have to get the balls to call up to the school and see if I took the ACT's.  If not then I have to take them or the SAT's.  *shrugs*

Going to Alissa's visitation tonight.  Hopefully it's not too sad.  

You will be greatly missed Alissa!  You were taking away from us way too soon!  RIP

Alright I'm done.

~SmAcK iT!

I can't fucking take it anymore!  There are just no words that can even express how pissed off I am at her.  I hate everything about her right now, everything little excuse she has that she can't do something or why she doesn't want to, EVERYTHING!  All I wanted to do was go on a trip to a place we've never been for something different and exciting but no...she can't go because she's too fucking poor!  I can understand that money is a little tight but she wants me to pay for everything since she's so poor and do something for her in order for her to go with me.  I feel so fucking used by her it's not even funny!  I'M the one that had to call for our comic books, I'M the one that had to walk her in the store and fucking ask for them, I'M the one that gave her a fucking free 90 card set of trading cards for which I paid $80 for!  I'M the one that has to fucking pay for the gas when we go to Olean because it was my fucking idea in the first place!  I'M the one that she is fucking using and then blames it all on me in the end.  I use her for her vehicle which is not true, I use her just because she has a way to get around, false, all in all she's the one that's fucking using me, not for my none existant car but for my MONEY!  I fucking ask myself everytime why I'm even friends with her since everything I do doesn't seem like it's ever enough for her or good enough!  She always makes me feel like I'm 2 notches down from her and her big brain.  She thinks just because she went to college it makes her better then me but then and goes and complains that its so damn stressful.  It was my decision not to go to college and it was hers to go, I can't fucking help that.  She's always thinking that I should have reasons and that I'm doing this because of something else when really I just want to do something.  There is nothing wrong with what I want to do, with the things I do or whatever!  She's always trying to use that psycological evaluation on me that pisses me off and I want to just shut her up so bad I can taste it.  I dislike people, some I still do, but I don't think there is anyone out there that pisses me off as much as she does.  I want to scream and yell and punch her and everything but I know I won't.  Even through all of this she just seems to act like nothing ever fucking happened and she hasn't done a damn thing wrong.  She thinks she fucking knows everything about my life and what I do that she has me all figured out but she doesn't!  She doesn't fucking know one thing about me and that's what pisses me off is that she never gives me the fucking time of day to do anything the way I want.  GAH!!!!  I'm fucking pissed, full of hatred, wanting to cry and tired from all the weekend work I've done.  Working every weekend from 3:30-midnight is a lot harder then she might think it is and I wish that she could do just once and see how hard it really is, especially for someone like her.  She doesn't get me and she tells me that and I'm starting to wonder if that really isn't true.  I don't think she really wants to get to know me as much as she says she does.  I don't even fucking know why I call her a fucking friend.  

I'm done.

I have to go write.

~SmAcK iT!

So, there is a lot of things that have happened since the last time I talked to you but I don't have enough time to even post it all in here.

First, my book came out and I hope it's doing well.  The second one is coming but I don't know if I'll be done with it by December when my due date arrives.

Second, Ashly showed up at my back door today wanting to talk.  She came in and acted like nothing had happened between us.  I missed talking to her and hanging out with her but what am I supposed to do?  Just let her back in my life like there was nothing going on between us.  I mean I'm sure whatever we fought about wasn't anything that huge but she hurt me and I don't want her to do it again.  We should talk some more but I'm not sure if I should just let her back in my life like this.  We went wedding dress shopping because her and her fiance Min are getting married exactly 1 year from today.  I just don't know what to think or do I guess.

~SmAcK iT!

Alright, so this last couple weeks has been terrible.  Ever since Ashly and I stopped talking to each other completely because I'm a terrible friend or whatever my life has sucked.  I'm not allowed to speak to Holly and Kayleen and their not allowed to speak or see me ever again, because you know how fair that is.  I was taking off of every friendlist of Ashly's, things between Damien and I are weird.  He seems interested but at the same time he doesn't call me back.  Idk I'm at a loss for words and thoughts.

My first book's official release date is August 13th of this year and I'm really excited about that!  I should be getting my 2 author copies here pretty soon.  I'm working on the second one and the other day completely finished my very first story, only 19 more to go!  XD

Now the big kicker is that I read the paper last week and decided that I was going to go get myself a kitten from the S.P.C.A.  Well I will never do that ever again!  I went last Thursday and picked one out.  They told us that is should be ready the next day, Friday, so because I had to work mom said she would come down and pick her up for me.  I filled out my check and everything.  Well mom and grandma came down to work and said that they had made a mistake and it was a stray so my kitten wasn't going to be ready until Monday.  They promised that since it was their fault that they would take the cat out of the kennel in the morning on Monday and we can come down and pick it up.  They gave me an adoption form to fill out and bring in when I picked her up and everything.  I was a little upset that I had to wait the weekend but just as long as I got my kitten was all I cared about.  Well Monday rolls around and after mom got done work after Noon we went down to pick her up.  When we got there they said they had a little problem, that a little girl came in that morning and picked my cat out of all the rest and started bawling because she wanted it.  Halfway through the adoption they realized they had promised it to me and that it was already mine but instead they went ahead and finished the adoption and the cat went home with the little girl.  My mother was so mad she was throwing the cat carrier that we brought with us and she handed me back my check, tore up the adoption form and threw it in their faces.  I had never seen her so mad in all my life, or heard her say the F-word so many times.  I'm a cat person and this devestated me.  She said everything that I was thinking so I didn't have to.  The S.P.C.A. told me I was more then welcome to pick a different kitten but I didn't want another one and technically it was my cate anyway.  So, yea that was my Monday.  The rest of the day was kind of quiet and sad because mom was mad all day and I just didn't feel like doing anything.

I'm done now.

~SmAcK iT!

Since when am I NOT allowed to see my friends???!!!!!!!!!   WTF!!!

~SmAcK iT!

Why is it that my mother thinks I need to go everywhere with her?  I just worked 81/2 fucking hours and she wants me to go out, like come on wtf!  So now I've completely pissed her off which means she probably won't speak to me nor Jaime the rest of the night.  I sometimes just don't fucking understand what her deal is and I can't figure her out.

Get to go to my Uncle's b-day party tomorrow.  Yea it starts at 3 and I probably won't be home til fucking midnight, well not midnight but ALL day!  Which means I won't be able to write all day tomorrow on my fucking Saturday off!  God I just feel like crying right now.

Well, I got my book cover the other day over the email and it was just awesome!  I asked to change it from one color to another and after about three times trying to make it perfect I decided that since this guy that was designing it was being an asshole they can keep it the original color that it was.  I just want my first book to be perfect but apparently he doesn't give two shits about it cause whatever I suggested their way was going to be the way anyway.  SOOOO, now he should get the hint the I want it just the beginning color and put an end to this shit.  I honestly didn't think it was going to be such a big fucking deal.

I won the excellence customer service thing this month.  Which means I won $50!!!!!  And to think all I did was bag some groceries for Tammy and I got my name entered to win, and I won!  So now I'm $50 richer and don't know what to spend it on.

Supernatural Season 2 comes out on DVD September 11th!!!!  God I can't wait.  I finally preordered my Supernatural trading cards from the comic book store over in Olean.  They SHOULD come some time next week.  Supernatural is also coming back for a 3rd season as well which is totally awesome!

I'm done now I think.  I'm going to go write more of my Supernatural story.

~SmAcK iT!

Alright so here is life so far,

Work is alright, it's the same damn thing over and over again every week.  Gets just a tad bit boring.

Last Thursday I went down to Sehman's with mom to get the car inspected and I talked to Damien forever.  We talked about everything and anything.  He is a big sports fan, not only to watch but to play too.  He loves to cook and actually went to culinary school for awhile, his favorite thing to make is tacos.  I guess that bar fight he got into was more serious then I thought and he could be looking at 1-6 years in jail, so that kind of sucks balls if he goes.  In conclusion for that he doesn't want a serious relationship but said he would love to hang out.  I was very open and honest with him about everything we talked about.  The only problem is that I can't stop thinking about him and wanting to be that girl that he can claim as his own.  I've never had anything like this happen to me before, a guy that likes me and wants to hang out with me.  It's flattering.  I was going to go to his softball game last Sunday but he never called me back to tell me where it was at in Olean.  Yes that is right I made the step up to having his phone number.  *wink wink*  So with that story I went back down today cause the car had something else wrong with it but didn't get to talk to him because they were really busy and another guy was standing back there talking to him so I couldn't go back too.  He did notice me watching him work and smiled at me for it cause I know he likes it when I watch him work.  *hehehe*  At one point he came into the waiting room and was pouring water onto himself so that his white t-shirt he was wearing was wet and boy did I have naughty thoughts then!  Trust me they were really naughty.  So........nothing has really happened between us quite yet but I have to call him and see if he wants to like rent a couple movies one night and maybe he can cook me dinner.  *shrugs*

Still waiting for my Supernatural comic book to come in from the Olean comic book store.  When I go to pick that up then I'm going to put a down payment on a box of Supernatural trading cards!  I can't fucking wait!  Which speaking of Supernatural makes me think that tomorrow's episode is not only the first part of a two parter but it's also going to make me cry as well.  I have a bad feeling that something really bad is going to happen to my Sammy.  IDK we're just going to have to wait and see.

~SmAcK iT!

OMG you would never guess what I just did this afternoon.  Crystal and I were out at Tops and she told me that she was just going to drop me off at Sehman's so I could see Damien, but she didn't think that I was going to get out of the vehicle.  Well to proove her wrong, when she stopped out front of Sehman's I grabbed my stuff and hopped out of the car.  I think she was in a little shock at first but then she just drove away.  I walked into the tire place and asked Bob if Damien was there and............he wasn't.  Frank then asked what I needed and I told him and he told me to come back at around noon.  I told him that I was just going to walk home and he said no and had Rob give me a ride home.  I feel a little bit refreshed about it and glad that I made that move, but I'm also scared that he is going to be embarrassed or mad or something.  IDK why but I just am, so don't ask.  I kno the guys down there are going to tell him I stopped by but I don't know how he is going to take it.  Oh well, just as long as I made that step I guess.

In other news.....SUPERNATURAL IS ON TONIGHT AND IT'S ALL NEW!!!!!!!  Now I was a bad girl yesterday and looked at some spoiler pics for the finale and it looks like I am going to cry!  I think something happens to Sammy, but I'm not positive, they just better not fucking cancel my show!!!!  If they do I will kill the world and everyone in it.

~SmAcK iT!

I have no idea what the hell is going on between Josh and I.  There is just something that I feel is going to go wrong and he's going to hate me.  I've said nothing to make him think I like him and I think he might have feelings for me.  I'm not sure but it's confusing.

Damien hasn't called yet and I don't think he ever will.  I know that is little hope but it's been a whole week and he still hasn't called.  You would think that if whatever he had to take care of wouldn't have been taking care of by now, especially if it's a girl.  I just don't know what to do.  I want to move forward, have a boyfriend, go places with him and do things with him(and I don't mean sex).  I know I've waited 19 years to have a boyfriend and that's a long time to wait, and now that I know someone likes me back I just want to move forward.  Maybe telling me that he had something to take care of was just an excuse to never call me.  GAH IDK what the fuck is going on and I'm so fucking impatient that it's killing me waiting for the fucking phone to ring for me.  IDK what the fuck to do anymore.  Maybe I'll crawl in a hole and die.

Why do mini chocolate chips taste better when you're worried about whether or not a guy will call you?

SUPERNATURAL IS ON TOMORROW!!!!!!  It is the first new episode of the last few before the May 15th season finale.  Hopefully we come back for another season for something for me to watch.  If not I'll just simply die!

~SmAcK iT!

OMG this week has been so awesome!!!!  For some reason life just couldn't get better.....wait yea it could.

Okay, so first I was happy on Tuesday for no apparent reason.  I had 3 people tell me I had to be happy cause I found a guy but I haven't so.....IDK people are crazy.

Wednesday I had to go to the funeral home for a visitation for my great uncle who passed away Saturday.  Well before we went down there we dropped the car off at Sehman's Tire Service to get the tires balanced.  For the longest time the owner of Sehman's, Frank our next door neighbor, has been trying to set me up with one of his employees named Damian.  So on Wednesday I finally got the nerve to go in with mom to drop off the car and meet him (boy is he CUTE!), and he seems really nice.  Apparently mom dropped off a picture of me to him the one day and he thought I was cute.  SO, the only this is is that he smokes and has a pug dog.  Now I don't think the smoking is going to be a problem, I'll just die from it one day, but the dog thing I'll have to get used to.  He said he would love to call me but there was something he had to take care of first.  I'm hoping and praying that he calls even though I'm going to be so damn nervous.  *crosses fingers*

Now to make matters worse I think Josh Kinney down at work is starting to like me.  I was on my facebook account today and saw his thing he wrote on my wall and he said he now had a reason to go on because I work with him next Saturday.  It's weird cause I don't see myself dating him, ya know?  I mean he is an awesome guy and I love him to death but he just feels like too much of my brother then my lover.  IDK, I'm hoping he doesn't like ask me on a date or something before Damian does and then I'll have to fucking choose between the two of them which I can't.  Well I guess I could but I don't know Damian, I know more about Josh then I do Damian.  *racks brain*  What am I going to do?  This has never happened before.

Work today was alright, it was funny at some points.  One of the girls that used to work there tried to make me my signs (which she isn't suppose to be working the stuff anyway but...), and she did good except for she didn't change the date on them before she made them and they all had to be thrown away.  It wasn't a big deal since I wasn't going to be able to finish them anyway, but at least she tried.

I have tomorrow off for once so SQUEE for me!!!

~SmAcK iT!

These past couple weeks have been really strange.

Ashly and I have fallen apart.  I don't know what really happened.  

I have been thinking a lot about my future lately and I think I want a quiet life with a normal job and all that good stuff.  So I've been thinking that I want to go to JCC for business management and someday hopefully I can have my own bookstore.  I will create it and run it and hire people to work for me.  It sounds reletively amusing.  I'm ready for something challenging and I want to be the one in charge for once.  I think I'm really ready for something like this.  I have to make sure it's what I want but at the moment it really is and it sounds fun!  I want to live in like Boston or somewhere up there.  Maybe even Texas, Idk yet.

Josh Kinney and I are getting closer and closer and I'm a little nervous about our future.  I guess I just don't know whether I see us as a  couple or not.  It's a little confusing but I can be myself around him and he don't judge me.  We have so much fun together at work (when we do work together).  Although I do work with Kyle a lot but I think he's gay.  *shrugs*  I'm a little scared to be completely honest, I've never gotten this close to someone, well unless you count Joe, but IDK.

I think that's it for right now.  I have to go get ready for my stupid Allergy tests today.   Blah!

~SmAcK iT!

I just poured all my feelings out in a comment that I posted to Ashly.  I hope she reads it and understands.  We're supposed to be hanging out today but....idk

Work yesterday was pretty good.  I worked 81/2 hours and it was interesting.  Josh and I are getting closer by the day and we were supposed to eat lunch together but then my mom showed up and I ate with her instead.  I apologized to him then promised the next time we worked together for that long we would eat together.  I kept catching myself walking through his department and didn't know why.  I tried to stop my legs but they walked that way anyway.  Kyle and I were trying to figure out something another employee told me to do, but since she is retarded and didn't stay long enough to help me we did the best we could.  It was so fucked up.  Then before I left at 3:30 I stopped and talked to Josh some more, where I found out that we both like Kiwi's....IDK don't ask.  

Crystal came over yesterday for a little bit.  We didn't do very much cause I was eating dinner, but we watched COPS until Ashly called and she finally left.  *shrugs*

Supernatural had the BEST sex scene ever last Thursday!!!  Sam finally got some!  GO SAMMY!!!!

~SmAcK iT!